sleepless binge...

i am completely and utterly overtaken with exhaustion. i can't seem to comprehend basic things any longer. i am even more forgetful than normal. i am even more disorganized that my usual self. it's actually getting kind of ridiculous.

there have been numerous periods in my life that i have struggled with insomnia, problems sleeping, troubles staying asleep, or what have you. but this might even be worse. at least during those other dark sleepless days the little bit of sleep that i did get was decent... i just couldn't stay asleep.

these days the sleep i get is terrible. it's never very deep. i barely fall below the surface before i am waking up constantly. i toss and turn the whole night through. and when morning finally officially comes i not only feel like i just laid down, but i literally feel like i am hungover. and i don't normally get hungover (although it has happened a few times now that i am getting "older"). so even though i am not getting the enjoyment of a few too many spirited beverages, i wake up feeling like i did a couple rounds with my good friends jack and jose.

it was annoying at first. it then became a hassle. it then moved on to being a big frustration. it has now transitioned to being physically painful. i can't concentrate. its giving me ridiculous mood swings. i have constant headaches. i can't think straight. and my body physically hurts.

what i wouldn't give for a shoulder rub (one of my most favorite things in the world!).

seriously.

and what really takes the cake... my philosophy has always been that there are 2 reasons for living:
1) good food
2) good sleep

and since i'm trying to eat healthier and diet, i'm missing #1 and now i can't seem to get any #2. and its not like i have any fellas around to give me a shoulder rub, so... what does that leave me?