rollercoaster...

one year later... this still fits -

i really detest the up and down rollercoaster of feelings that my insufferably depressing poignant mind puts me through on a daily basis. i can't seem to keep my state of mind in the white… it tends to want to creep back into the black unexpectedly, without warning. it sneaks up behind me and slides its cold grey fingers along my spine and up my neck and across my collarbone until i feel suffocated.

while i can admit that i am doing a much better job of coping than i had anticipated… i was theorizing a hunkered figure in the corner shaking and trembling in a sordid illusory, morbid alternate reality… i somehow manage to exit the sanctuary of my bed every morning.

but that doesn't negate the fact that i don't seem to have reasonable control over the rollercoaster that is my emotional state.

does this mean that i must resort to a life of medicated melancholy monotony?

and if so, how many buffet lines full of pharmaceuticals do i have to go through before i find one that can be deemed worth the side effects?