there's danger in frustration...

this is so true that it hurts. physically hurts.

throw a dog a bone,
i'll take it if i have to
go real fast like there's somewhere we can get to
what's the use of standing right there on the edge
if there ain't nowhere to fall
what's the use in hanging on tight to the phone
if nobody might call

desperation
there's danger in frustration
complicated words slipping off of your tongue
and ain't one of them the truth
i'm still desperate for you

tell it like a lie,
live it like a movie
give a heart away like it don't mean nothing to me
what's the use in making all the plans that we made
if you weren't gonna go
what's the use of slapping on a smile for a face
if your eyes don't wanna show

desperation
there's danger in frustration
complicated words slipping off of your tongue
and ain't one of them the truth
i'm still desperate for you

well it's too damn bad you didn't have a chance to make me your best friend
you were too caught up in giving too much up and not doing what you should have been

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blogging makes my heart happy...

yay! today i got my first blog award, thanks to nickie over at learn to fly... thank you so so much!!!

here are the rules:

1. put the logo on your blog.

2. add a link to the person who awarded you.

3. award up to 10 other blogs.

4. add links to those blogs on yours.

5. leave a message for your awardees on their blog.

now as you know, i am a newbie and a softie, and i think you all deserve this award, so... just know that i think you are wonderful and i hope you know how much i enjoy reading your blogs!!!

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my heart will always belong to...

the MIDWEST!!!

despite this... i am, and always will be, a midwest girl.

(yes, i actually miss the cold weather... it just isn't supposed to be 90 in january.)


I HEART THE MIDWEST!!!

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let's all jump up and down...

let me be selfish (for just a few rambling paragraphs, phrases, and exclamations) and take the next few minutes and attempt to express just how utterly ecstatic i am at the moment. please keep in mind that my thoughts are in such a whirl and my entire being is in such bliss that i am not making much sense and my fingers just don't seem to want to type anything that isn't spelled wrong...

i know i've mention #23 before, although i don't really think i've ever gone into any details (afraid of jinxing it? maybe.) about him. and i will... but not now.

now is the time to jump up and down like a 6 year old on christmas morning, or a rookie running back that has just crossed the goal line in his first nfl game, or either one of my cats when i get out a carton of their favorite chicken & cheese treats...

i want to run out onto my patio in this warm socal january night and yell at the top of my lungs just how excited i am!

#23 just bought his plane tickets yesterday... he is coming to see me!!!

i know that we had talked about it, joked about it, and even discussed a few dates but i never actually thought it would happen. not that i don't have faith in him or that i don't think he would want to see me, just that i didn't want to get my hopes up and then have them dashed when he wasn't able to make it. and i couldn't bring myself to ask him to come out here. it's quite the commitment... not only the money, but the time off work and all of the other things he has to do to be able to be out of the state for 5 days (yes, you read that right... 5 DAYS! NEXT WEEK!).

i am so lucky!!! not only do i get to talk to the most wonderful, gorgeous, amazing man in the world on a regular basis... but he is flying out to socal just to spend time with me!

not to mention this will be his first time in california (and he will be coming from -2 degree weather!).

i am so excited!!!

anyone have any ideas about must-do's and must-see's while he is here??? keeping in mind that i want plenty of time with him... all. to. my. self. :o)

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be my (blog) valentine...

this sounds like a blast... i'm definitely in.

have you heard about this valentines day's newest blog tradition started by one of my favorite bloggers, ashley over at This? Is Not the Life I Ordered!...

check it out here: be my (blog) valentine!!!

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how old am i...?

(i think) i am lucky enough to be mistaken for someone considerably younger than i really am... i was even hit on by a fella that is A DECADE younger than i am (and for those of you non-math majors, that would make him 18).

i think that part of it is that i work with college students, somehow they have both the ability to make me feel extremely old and seem really young. it's interesting. it is kind of nice being mistaken for a student (and i'd never turn down a student discount)... although it makes being a professional pretty difficult at times.

another part of it may be that i am young at heart. i love a good laugh, acting silly in the morning, being a goof in the afternoon and partying like it's still 1999 in the evening.

but is it alright that i have some unexplainable adoration for miley cyrus?

maybe it's the whole double life thing...

i wonder who my other personality would be??? (let me emphasis - i am such a dork... i am seriously too old for this, but really, who cares!)

who would yours be?

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i'm a blogging newbie...

alright, so i'm new to this whole blogging thing...

someone explain to me the pros/cons between blogger and wordpress.
and at the risk of sounding completely stupid and proof that i have been living under a rock, what is the deal with twitter?

man... i'm a loser.

here's to hoping i get better at this. at least i'm having fun...

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learning how to bend...

i'm still learning how to trust.
it's so hard to open up,
and i'd do anything for us.
i'm still learning how to trust...

i'm still learning how to bend,
how to let you in.
in a world full of tears,
we'll conquer all our fears.
i'm still learning how to fly,
i wanna take you higher.
i'll be there till the end.
i'll be your lover and your friend.
i'm still learning how to bend...

i'm just trying to understand,
it's all in someone else's hands.
there's always been a bigger plan,
but i don't need to understand.

i'm still learning how to bend...

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the scorpion and the frog...

have you ever heard the tale of the scorpion and the frog?

i've been ridiculously sick this week, and when i wasn't trying to manage through a day of work, i've been laying on the couch with my cats (which they appreciate after having been gone so long over the holidays) watching dvd's of the gilmore girls (some of you may know this is my all-time favorite tv show), this episode came on and when i heard this story again it hit me.

this is my family. well, my mother and my older sister. they are the scorpions.

i am the frog...

EMILY: Lorelai, stop this. I know you're upset. I know you hate us, but -

LORELAI: I don't hate you. Why would I hate you?

EMILY: Well, because we - because you thought we -

LORELAI: You were just being you. You couldn't help it.

EMILY: What are you talking about?

LORELAI: The scorpion and the frog. It's an old story. The scorpion says to the frog, "Hey, frog. Give me a lift to the other side of the pond." Frog says, "No way. You'll sting me and I'll die." Scorpion says, "Will not! 'Cause then we'd both drown." Frog says "Cool." So... scorpion gets on the frog's back, and frog makes it to the middle of the pond, and the scorpion stings him. As the frog is going down, he says, "Why would you do that? Now we'll both die." Scorpion says, "Sorry, it's just my nature."

[She points to herself] Frog. [She points to them.] Scorpion.

EMILY: I always thought it was a turtle.

LORELAI: Whatever it was. You guys couldn't help it.

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in-between...

"it was the in-between time, before day leaves and night comes, a time i've never been partial to because of the sadness that lingers in the space between going and coming."
~august, the secret life of bees


#23 and i were talking about sunset as he drove me to the airport this past sunday... it made me think of this. this is exactly how i feel (and how i felt) right then...

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i hate being sick...

apparently southern california does not agree with me.

in the past 6 months i have had strep throat, whooping cough, bronchitis, and now a sever sinus infection. severe enough to make the doctor give me 2 shots in the ass, 3 prescriptions, and 2 over-the-counter drugs.

ugh.

i don't want to be sick anymore...

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cheers!...

it's been forever.

really. it has.

and i apologize. but once i fill you in, you will see that the wait was worth it... i swear.

after reading today's post "here we go again" on one of my favorite blogs surviving myself, i had to agree... but not completely.

normally, i would begrudgingly mutter "welcome to the beginning of the calendar year" to all who wished me a "happy 2009" the monday after the celebration of the new year, wallowing in despair and mourning the passing of another year. but this year is different... already.

it started deliciously and i'm determined to make sure it stays that way. i'm sick of being let down every time december 31 rolls around and i reminisce on the past year and realize that i am not where i want to be in my life, that i haven't accomplished enough, that my bank account doesn't have a high enough number, that my scale has too high of a number, and that i am once again ringing in the new year all alone.

for once i am happy.

and i couldn't have asked for any better new years eve kisses... (thanks to the ranger and #23)

here's to a year full of them!!! cheers 2009!

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