the ABC game...

Nickie tagged me to play this little blog game and it seemed to be perfect for my vacation blogging mood (not to mention i heart her and hope she keeps her chin up!)... here goes:

the rules are :
1. for each letter of the alphabet, write a word connected to you.
2. tag 6 people.

A – Awkward... i am really really good at being awkward.
B – Buddy! the best cat in the world (don't tell Willie!) and my partner in crime... he's been with me through a lot!
C – California... even though i'm a midwest girl at heart.
D – Deliciousness... because i've recently used this word to descride what things taste like, ex: "what does it taste like?" "deliciousness." "very helpful, thank you."
E – Exciting... just because i need a little excitement in my life.
F – Firsts... because firsts can be good, bad, and/or ugly!
G – Graphic design, because it's one of my fave hobbies!
H – Hilarious... because laughing is so much fun!
I – iTunes... because i love music and making rad playlists!
J – Jaded... because it is what i am, and i am trying desperately not to be.
K – Knee-high socks... because i adore them!
L – Lipgloss, and chapstick, and lipbalm... love it!
M – Movies... i love movies!
N – Naps... because i would enjoy one right about now.
O – Ohmygosh!... because i say that way too much.
P – Pizza... because it is tasty and delicious.
Q – Quiet... which is something i am NOT (well not at sporting events, or when i've been drinking, or when i've been drinking at sporting events...)
R – Rad. because i still say things like RAD!
S – the Soundtrack to my life is Super rad!
T – Tipsy... because it's fun gettin' a lil' tipsy.
U – Ultra... because we should start adding ultra to the begining of more words... ex: ultracool, ultrarad, ultrahip, ultranasty, ultratasty, ultrafancy, ultradrunk... etc!
V – Vacation... who doesn't love a good vacay?!?!
W – Woot!... because i say that too much, but it's fun!
X – Xerox machine... because the copier is outside my office which has inherently made me an expert at troubleshooting. lol.
Y – You betcha.
Z – Zoo... because most of the time my job makes me feel like i work at a zoo.


this was actually harder than it should have been for me to accomplish... i'm lame.

the 6 people i tag are: whoever wants to play!!!

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a girl like me...

you don't need a girl like me
i've got bruises you can't see
and when the lights go out
i won't be around
you don't need a girl like me

you can't have a heart like mine
but you can hold it for a while
and when the lights go out
i won't be around
you can't have a heart like mine

there's a rule that goes unwritten
and i break it from time to time
if you're fool enough to listen
then i'm fool enough to lie

that's the kind of girl i am
i take off before i land
and even though you think you can
you can't change the way i am

cause the rule remains unwritten
i still break it from time to time
if you're fool enough to listen
then i'm fool enough to lie

you can't change the way i am
you don't need a girl like me

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we interrupt your regularly scheduled blog...

for these important announcements:

ok. so they are not important to you all. but they are to me.

#1. i am officially on vacation. (alright, not vacation so much as a much needed break to attempt to catch up on sleep and regain some sense of sanity... my insane february schedule and conference tour really caught up to me...)

#2. i am in the midwest. woot! and you all know how much i heart the midwest!!!

#3. i've been doing some thinking (and i imagine there will be a lot more of that over the course of the next few days...), i have a lot of thinking to do, and i need to not think so much. make sense?

#4. i will be sleeping, eating, drinking, napping, watching movies, snoozing, catching up with friends, and catching some zzzz's...

#5. i won't be regularly updating my blog... but i will have plenty of updates when i return... i know you are all just boiling over in anticipation... heehee.

can't wait to update ya'll and catch up on all of your news when i return...

xoxo,
gossip girl.
oh, wait... i mean, calixta.jive.

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let me be forgetful...

"better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad."

~christina georgina rossetti

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i hope someone is looking for me...

maybe you're just jaded from some nobody's unforgotten words maybe you're just faded, a little gray from every time that you've been hurt
so you're lookin' for your skin that you never did fit in
you can't hide when you're turned inside out
love is looking for you now

maybe you been burnin' but you can't blow out a flame that you can't find
maybe you've been thirsty but the rain just ain't enough when you're this dry
so you're runnin' from the water and the fire's getting hotter
i think you better find some level ground
love is lookin' for you now
love is lookin' for you now

maybe you been wearing the shoes that someone else is wearing now
maybe you've been swearing forever might have already run out you can't love yourself at the expense of someone else
you can't hide a liar from the truth
love is lookin' for you
love is lookin' for you

i've been looking for you
baby i've been lookin.....
i've been looking for you

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depths and seperations...

"ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

~kahlil gibran

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the winds that blow remind me, of what has been, and what can never be...

i've been struggling while attempting to summarize this past weekend.

not sure of what to say or how to go about saying it. but i feel like no matter how it ends up coming out... i need to say something.

it all started friday... besides staying out way too late and drinking way too much on thursday night, i was doing rather well for being so excited (nervous) i couldn't sit still. i picked the ranger up at the airport (and even though it was pouring buckets and traffic was terrible, i was only 10 minutes late!) and he greated me with a rose and before he said he even said hello he asked...

"will you be my valentine?"

and that small exchange sets the example for exactly how the rest of the weekend works out. wonderful.

i will keep all the specific details to a minimum... they are still floating lazily through my thoughts, reminding me of all the special moments that we shared between us in the short time we had together. let's just say that there was lots of laughter, smiles, drinks, my first drunken trips to Denny's, entwined hands, stories, hugs, the rangers first visit to In-n-Out, jokes, sightseeing, mini golf, good food, more drinks, bowling alley karaoke, and kisses. we acted like tourists and long lost loves. we fell right back in to "comfortable" and it felt amazing.

and it was so completely unexplainable to be able to lay down next to someone that i love at the end of the day and have his arm around me as i fall asleep listening to his slow steady breathing like a lullaby.

and it started to hit me as we were laying in bed sunday night and he was telling me about how he gets depressed every time he has to leave someplace. and i told him that he couldn't feel that way yet... because we still had the night and the morning. but inside i completely agreed and my heart was already starting to ache.

i held in my emotions as i drove him back to the airport. i didn't let it hit me until i was on my way home. and again at work. and again on my dinner break. and again after my late meetings. and again as i was laying in bed...

alone.

we figured out that before new years it had been over 4 years since we had actually seen each other in person. it didn't feel that long. but thinking about going that long without seeing him again makes me ache. and knowing that he is only going to be in NC until the end of the year and then he is moving to Germany for what could be 2 years or more doesn't really make the future any brighter... or clearer.

and now i'm forced to face climbing into bed alone again tonight.

maybe i'll sleep on the couch...

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today...

today is monday.

today is rainy and grey.

today my thoughts are melancholy, lugubrious, and pensive.

today the ranger left for home.

today i struggle to keep my chin up... and my eyes dry.

today it is hard to be the positive, optimistic, strong person that i want to be.

image: people.always.leave. ~Lunati-que via www.deviantart.com

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for goodness sake i think i'm on the edge of something new with you...

alright... there has been a lot of things going on in my little corner of the world lately and i have been doing a bad job of keeping you updated. i will not apologize however... (apparently you shouldn't, lol. not that i don't regularly break most of these rules...) but alas, what can i say? i've been a busy bee. ;o)

here goes... besides working way too much (as in 12-15 hour days monday-friday and some weekend days/nights, besides being on-call, or 12-15 hour days monday-thursday and traveling/conferencing friday-sunday only to hit repeat...), i have been doing really great.

let us summarize with bullets:

• i love my sisters! LITP!
  
• i despise canceled flights (especially when you get re-routed to an entirely different destination and get seated in the center seat on a 5 hour flight and the women behind you pukes everywhere...)
• i love being busy... even though i love being lazy, too.
• i think my cats are actually dogs (more on that some other day...).
• i'm normally not optimistic, positive or strong. but i'm trying to be! (and thanks for all of the great words of encouragement... i appreciate them all more than you know).
  
• knee-high socks make me happy. i'm kinda obsessed...
  
• holiday filled weekends are fun (friday-the-13th, valentines day, president's day...)!
• i've made it to balitmore and newark on my conference tour so far... chicago and san francisco are yet to come...
• i love peanut butter.
• my blog isn't really funny (well, it is to me, i'm easily amused!)... but i think it serves a great purpose.
• my mom/sister make my blood pressure rise.
• i can't wait for friday at 3 pm!!!

and on that note... the important part of today's post: this weekend!!!

as you may recall, the ranger is flying across the country to spend the weekend with me and i couldn't be more excited! seriously!

we've known each other for about 8 years now (wow... it's been that long???) and we originally met in undergrad... i'll spare you the fraternity/sorority hijinks! lol. let's just say that i was completely enamored of him, but i wasn't really in the best place in my life at the time. the time we did spend together was wonderful... some of the best memories and most hilarious stories i have from undergrad involve the ranger! time passed, i graduated, i moved, he graduated, he moved, there were other gf's and bf's, there were more moves, and more moves... we would see each other every once in awhile when we were back in the ol' college town, and we somehow have always kept in touch (even if it meant weeks or months had gone by...).

and i've never completely let him go.

he is an amazing man (although he would never agree). he's brilliant and humble. gorgeous and down to earth. we have a lot in common and it's always been easy to be "comfortable" with him (not in a bad, way... in a really really good way. and he always makes me laugh- which is always a huge plus in my book!

anyway... we started talking again regularly this past fall (due to some random events... and proof that this is one small world that we live in!). we've been exchanging phone calls and the ever-so-popular digital communication... via myspace/facebook, etc. (although he doesn't have text messaging... which makes me CRAAAAZY!) we've always joked about when the other person was going to move closer, and we've always made comments about how no one is quite equal to who we each are. it's been casual, strictly friends. but he does have the unrivaled ability to call me at that exact moment when i need it the most, at those hopeless moments, at those lost moments. it's unexplainable and completely wonderful.

i was lucky enough to get to see him over new years... and it made my heart happy to know that i could be in the same room with him and still feel at ease, he could still make me laugh like no one else, that everything between us was still "easy", and that spark was still there (not to mention, the fact that i had a blast going out on the town with him and all of our friends, we had an epic time out-and-about in the ol' college town drinking, dancing, drinking, laughing, drinking, reminiscing, drinking, watching the ball drop in the -30 degree weather, drinking (for warmth!), and stumbling back to the hotel close to sunrise! and it sure didn't hurt that he made sure that whenever my hands were empty he had a drink waiting to replace it!!!)

and ever since... we've stayed in touch just that much more.

it was about 2 weeks ago when we were chatting on the phone and i was talking about how i wasn't going to get to see him again until may when i head over to NC for a wedding (which is going to be amazing btw!) and he made a comment about how far away that was. i told him that he should come out to SoCal and visit... he mentioned that maybe he should, he hasn't been out to CA since he was 5. of course he mentioned that he would but i am always traveling so i wouldn't be here anyway. i told him that wasn't true (well not entirely... lol!). so he mentioned that he did have a 4 day weekend coming up... over president's day. i exclaimed - that is the only weekend i will be in CA all month, you should totally come out and visit! ... and that is pretty much where the conversation ended.

until the next morning when i get a message that simply says: "what airport would i fly in to?"

i message him back, trying desperately to not get my hopes up... because i didn't want to get crushed again. that evening i get a phone call 'round about the time he would have been getting home from work...

"i'm buying a plane ticket, what time can you pick me up?"

so we chatted about flights, and risks involved with flying on friday-the-13th, and then he says, ok, talk to you later. and that was that! ;o)

and that leads me to now... i've been trying desperately to plan some fun things to do while he is here, but of course the weather is not cooperating!!! we have some fun plans for a night of drunken debauchery filled with spirited beverages and all of my favorite peeps tomorrow night and will probably end with me taking my pants off... again... BUT... it's valentine's day this weekend!!!

and so far he's referenced friday-the-13th and even president's day. but no mention of the day of hearts-n-flowers-n-chocolate-n-xoxo's!

so what do i do?!?!

do i acknowledge it? plan something? get him a present? get him a present but hide it and only reveal its existence if he acknowledges it first? pretend it doesn't exist? act like i don't know what day it is? ahhhh!

and it sure doesn't help when we are in some sort of pseudo "friends but past flames" state and this weekend feels somewhat like a "let's-see-how-this-goes-and-then-take-it-from-there" audition for the future. and this is the first time WE are going to be spending an extended period of time together, just US. and i'm SUPER nervous (but not necessarily in a bad way...).

oh geez. what have i gotten myself into. ;o)

just let me remind you... i did not pick the weekend. and yes... this is what has been on my mind today... so shoot me.

I AM SO EXCITED!!! (i can't stop smiling...)

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i've kept all the words you said in a box underneath my bed...

i have a lot of things to say... so bear with me.

because i couldn't say it then, i am going to try and say it now. (if only because i need to get it out).

written last week:

2009 has been one intense rollercoaster of emotions so far. i thought i found "love." and i've lost it already.

#23 was a whirlwind. everything involved... from our chance meeting and everything that followed. i got caught up in the idea of fate, love, happiness, and someone to fill all those empty holes in my heart (and whose heart i could fill in return). i wanted to believe him when he told me he was ready. i wanted to believe him when he asked me to be his. i wanted to believe him when he told me he loved me.

but i should've known better.

it's all too much to write down. it hurts too much to remember. too many moments of joy that hurt my heart now. i thought i had found exactly what i needed, what was right for me. but once again... i was wrong. and i'm tired of being wrong. and i'm tired of being alone.

i wanted to take care of him. he asked me to be open and honest... and i was (which is new to me). but he wasn't. and that led me here.

i need to take care of myself for once. and i need to find someone that wants to take care of me - and that will let me take care of him.

i want to be a better me. i want to be someone worth having. worth loving. worth fighting for.

he broke my heart.

but i can't let this destroy me. i can't.

i will be better. i will get stronger. i will do what i have to do. i will let myself be happy. i will take care of myself.

and not because he said to... but because i deserve it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

update:

i'm surprise by how well i am doing. seriously. it hasn't even been 2 weeks and i'm holding my own. ;o)

i've realized there's more. there IS more. (that wasn't it for me...)

i've done a good job of not spending my time and energy dwelling on the past, lost in what was and what might have been, trying to analyze what i could have done differently. instead, i've been creating space and time between all of those memories and feelings. but it isn't a bad thing! it's good i swear! and it's actually working quite well.

everything was too fresh, the feelings to new, the frustrations burned too deeply.

and i don't want to resent #23. i don't want to reject the unexplainable events surrounding our meeting and short whirlwind relationship.

part of me knows that i should. because ultimately, i did all that i could. but that's just it. i DID do ALL that i could.

he's not ready. not in the right place. it's not me. i believe it would be the same with anyone at this point.

and that is OK.

i have to be ok with that because i understand. i understand completely. he doesn't grasp just how much i understand. but i do.

and that is OK, too.

that are some things that i know... (and often need to remind myself of) - i am not worthless. i do have people that love me for who i am... just the way that i am. i'm not perfect, and that's OK. i can't fix everything. sometimes i do need to take care of myself. being happy is OK. loving someone is OK... even if they do not love you in return (love is something to be shared, not something to keep to yourself).

and i may be a little bit lost and a lot confused (more on that... later. :o), but it's OK to take it one day at a time.

i don't have to doubt myself all the time.

and in the meantime... maybe it is fate that has brought me to this point in time (again, more on this later...oh the suspense... ;o).

i'm not entirely sure what exactly is responsible for my completely changed outlook. i think it has to be a combination of things... that just happened to click into place all at the same time. it's really hard to put it all into words...

• because i had hit another extreme low and because i had lost hope for any other options but despair...
• because i understand where #23 is coming from...
• because i'm tired of being unhappy...
• because i'm the only one who can change things for myself (even if i don't have control over everything, i do have control over SOME things)...
• because i realized that my sisters value me, love me, appreciate me, find me funny. and they aren't the only ones...
• because i got that unexpected phone call at the exact perfect moment...

so many things, so many thoughts, so many feelings...

and no matter how much i want something to work, forcing it will never work in the end. and ultimately, i do want #23 to be happy.

i really do.

and i want to be happy.

and you know what? maybe that isn't too much to ask. maybe that isn't too selfish of me...

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i'm an ingrid...

thanks to Ashley over at Turquoise Ribbons for this clever little quiz (that's quite accurate if you ask me!)...

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz ...

You Are an Ingrid!

You are an Ingrid -- "I am unique"

Ingrids have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

• Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
• Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
• Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
• Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
• Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being an Ingrid

• my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
• my ability to establish warm connections with people
• admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
• my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
• being unique and being seen as unique by others
• having aesthetic sensibilities
• being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being an Ingrid

• experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
• feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
• feeling guilty when I disappoint people
• feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
• expecting too much from myself and life
• fearing being abandoned
• obsessing over resentments
• longing for what I don't have

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comment help anyone...?

can no one comment on this darn blog?

i'm not trying to be a comment-whore and beg ya'll to write something to boost my ego... but apparently even those of you who want to post a comment haven't been able to. i tried fixing it last week, but to no avail. what am i doing wrong?

argh. i'm frustrated.

so, really... can you comment on this blog? or what?

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alright, alright... here are my "25 random things"...

alright… i finally gave in…


Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.


1. my favorite color in the world is orange… but i love to wear black (debra messing said redheads look hot in black, and she is right!!!), shades of blue calm me down, and i used to wish my gray eyes were green but now i wouldn’t change them a bit.

2. i have 2 cats, buddy and willie. i’ve had buddy since undergrad and he has moved to 3 different states, driven across the country, and lived in 6 (?) different apartments with me! i would be lost without him, he is such a momma’s boy, too! he greets me at the door, gives kisses on command and always cuddles with me. willie on the other hand is quite the handful… i just got him in september and he is definitely still in kitten mode. actually, i think he may be a dog. no joke. he chews everything (and usually eats it!), begs for food, and talks a lot! but all in all, you really can’t beat laying in bed and having each one of my little sweets curled up in the crook of my elbow or in between my knees…

3. i hate talking on the phone… a lot. i love texting, IM’ing, e-mail, facebook, myspace, whatever… but no phone calls. Oh and i hate leaving messages or checking my voicemail… weird, right?

4. i’m not a girly girl (by any means) but i love makeup! it’s like getting to paint-by-numbers your face, in different colors in different ways – everyday! i guess that is the artist in me…

5. speaking of art… i have a bachelor of fine arts degree in graphic communication and a masters of science – education in college student development and administration. and i LOVE learning.. it’s fun for me! right now i am using my master’s degree in my current profession and my graphics degree on the side (and for fun)… but sometimes i wonder if that will ever reverse itself???

6. i am a member of a sorority and am so grateful for each and every wonderfully amazing, talented, brilliant sister i have in my life because of it. Not too mention all the magnificent opportunities!

7. i am completely enthralled with all things retro. i’m talking 1950’s here people. i think i was born in the wrong time! someday i want a completely retro kitchen… and the outfits to go with it!!!

8. i am slightly obsessed with music. and my iTunes. and my iTunes playlists. seriously. and i listen to everything from country to hip-hop. not too mention i have to have music playing AT ALL TIMES. what can i say? the soundtrack to my life is AHHH-mazing!

9. i don’t watch tv anymore (1. because i am never home 2. because i can’t justify paying for cable when i am never home 3. there’s not much on that i want to watch anyway 4. i’d rather watch a movie, yay netflix!) but when i did my favorite shows were, and always will be, gilmore girls and my so-called life!!! i can totally relate to angela chase, I still have a huge crush on jordan catalano… and who doesn’t want to grow up to be lorelai gilmore and have her wardrobe?!?!

10. i am a redhead. a real one. and i love it!

11. my favorite food is cheese. but some people don’t consider that a valid answer because it is not a meal (bah, i say it is!) so my alternative answers would be pizza and gnocchi! and chocolate!!! yum!

12. my favorite season is fall. i love the chilly weather, the leaves, the smell. i love the clothes, scarves, sweaters, and sweatshirts. football season! october is my favorite month, my birthday, and halloween. (other favorites include, but are not limited to: chapstick, shoulder rubs, laughing so hard i sound like an owl, dancing, checking things off my to-do list(s), swimming, staying in a hotel, candles, traveling, mountain dew, m&m’s, busting out a rap, making people happy, and smelling good…)

13. i’m not what i appear to be on first impression. there is a lot more to me and it usually surprises most people when they get to know me further.

14. i absolutely LOVE the green bay packers! i’ve been a huge fan for pretty much my entire life and i am not a fair-weather fan… i’m standing behind my team win or lose! GO PACK GO!

15. i am ridiculously scared of spiders! to an insane level. it makes me physically upset just thinking about them…

16. i have about a million favorite movies but some of my all-times are: sixteen candles (i have the hugest crush on jake ryan and who doesn’t secretly want to be molly ringwald?!?) and the goonies (because who didn’t always want to go hunting for treasures with all of your best friends?).

17. i am my own worst critic. i am very judgmental of myself. i never think that what i do is good enough. and it makes for some seriously low self-esteem and little to no self-worth on my part… not to mention i put everyone and everything in front of myself. but if you ever need anything… just ask. i’ll do whatever i can to make sure you get what you need!

18. i absolutely love to read. i think i get this from my mom. i read every night before i go to bed. stephen king is by far my favorite author. actually… i think he is a god. i have read almost every single one of his books at least 3 times (if not more) and i own almost every one of them also (some i own 2 and 3 copies of…). but i’ll read just about anything i can get my hands on. someday i want a library in my house… books and comfortable chairs and lots of lamps (no overhead lighting… eew!).

19. i have the most amazing friends… all over the country. and i’d be lost with out them. (thank you!)

20. i LOVE the midwest! i miss it so much… the weather, the people, everything! and along with that… i LOVE my family… from my parents to my sisters and brother, to all of my millions of cousins. my family is crazy and amazing and i wish i lived closer to them… they are all so wonderful and unique! it makes my heart swell with happiness just being around them all! i miss them SO much.

21. i am an extremely passionate person. when i care about something/someone, or when something/someone is important to me, i give it my all. (even little things – like the fact that i will always love the packers, i prefer chevy to ford, and i love macs and think PC’s are crap, hee hee!).

22. i am overly sensitive and defensive. i put on a tough act, but really i’m a big ol’ softy and way too emotional for my own good. this makes for some tough relationships… also, i’m an empathy. which i love. but it’s also really hard on me as well. it makes me a quality friend and very good at my profession (i think?). but it weighs heavily on my heart, shoulders, and mind…

23. i enjoy cooking and baking (just not cleaning up afterward!). and one of my favorite hobbies is decorating cakes, cupcakes, and cookies! how much fun is creating art made of deliciousness?!?

24. i love to sleep! unfortunately, i have had trouble sleeping on and off for the past few years and it has taken a toll on me. i’m talking only 3 and 4 hours of sleep a night here people! i just can’t seem to stay asleep… or shut my mind off (i think too much!). i need to not be so stressed out!!!

25. i love clutter. most people would say that i am messy, but i just love to be surround with “stuff!” it makes things cozy. pictures, books, candles, retro collectibles, lamps, ceramics, lots of things that most people would consider junk but hold a memory that i think is priceless… it makes my apartment interesting and my small office very inviting (i think!).


and that is that. just a little glimpse into the randomness that is me! now tell me about you!

i am supposed to tag 25 people… but i’ll leave it at this: if you are reading this, consider yourself tagged!

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then i realized i'd rather fight with you, then make love with anyone else...

this scene in "the wedding date" makes my heart swell up.  i want this...


KAT:  you know what pisses me off? 
i've been spilling my guts all weekend
and i don't know anything about you.

NICK:  i'm allergic to fabric softener. 
i majored in comparative literature at Brown. 
i hate anchovies.   
...i think i'd miss you even if we'd never met.

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it's lucky i'm clever...

because i can't seem to put all of my thoughts and feelings into words right now, and because i am doing surprisingly well at keeping my spirits high (with lots of help, thank you), i am not going to dwell on the fact that #23 and i are no longer. i'll let this say it for me...

for now...

as high as the moon
so high were my spirits
when you sang out my name

and coming from you
it was enough just to hear it
oh, it rang like the bells did today

but even the sturdiest ground
can shift and can tremble and let us fall down

kindly unspoken
you show your emotion
and silence speaks louder than words
it's lucky i'm clever
if i didn't know better
i'd believe only that which i'd heard

in the days of my folly
i followed your lead
did what simon said to do

but i won't let melancholy
play me for a fool
oh, no i'm on my way somewhere new

and as far as your lack of something to say
well, to tell me goodbye there was no better way

kindly unspoken
you show your emotion
and silence speaks louder than words
it's lucky i'm clever
if i didn't know better
i'd believe only that which i'd heard

so don't keep me up till the dawn
with words that'll keep leading me on
i know much better than to wait for an answer from you

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the times, they are a changin'...

it seems like it was just a few mondays ago that i was reveling in the fact that #23 was going to come to visit.

and look how that turned out.

but this monday, i am happy to quote bobby d. because "the times, they are a changin'!"

and i have lots of people to thank... right now, top of the list is the ranger. he's coming out here to visit me in less than 2 weeks and i couldn't be happier!

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i am so lucky...

baltimore was amazing.

my sisters are amazing.

my weekend was amazing.

travel, sisters, leadership, learning, fun, food, spirited beverages, affirmation, laughs, inside jokes, bonding, growing, crying, support, companionship, values, strangers, story time, beyonce, yelling, no sleep, pictures, asians, renewal, growth, quotes, development, time zones, text messages, good times, memories, lifelong bonds...

and remembering that there are people out there that love me, value me, and appreciate me... and always will... just the way that i am.

thank you.

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