'cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life...
Monday, June 8, 2009
i'm going to preface my exciting news with a quick recap of my weekend... which was amazing. and unexpected.
when i was out of town last week the driver asked me if i wanted to join him at his house friday night so we could get up early and head to the beach. and because i've been looking for an opportunity to spend more time with him, not only because i adore him, but also because it seems as though every time we go out we are staying up till the wee hours, not getting any sleep, and dropping me off or picking me up at the airport. he then invited me to one of his friends birthday/graduation party at a club in downtown LA saturday night.
do you understand what that means? i spent the entire weekend with the driver.
i was super nervous. i was looking forward to spending more time with him, but a whole weekend? i was anxious about staying at his place, meeting his friends, what to wear to the club, him getting sick of me over the course of 2 1/2 days... lol. basically i worked myself up quite a bit.
but it was amazing. really.
i headed out to his place late friday night where we preceded to make a grocery run for our beach trip. we woke up early saturday morning and headed straight to the beach so as not to miss out on the good waves. i spent the morning reading vonnegut on the beach while the driver caught some waves with his friends. we spent the afternoon picnicking and soaking up the rays. then we were headed to downtown LA to check-in to our hotel, get dinner, have a few drinks and get ready for the evening.
we eventually headed out to the club. and what i finally decided on wearing worked out perfect... long, perfectly fitted black pinstripe pants (i'm talking they really emphasized my curves... and ya'll know i have some curves! we will get to that later...), my kenneth cole heels, and a sheer cap-sleeve black turtleneck. yea, i wore a lot of black, but debra messing says that red-heads look good in black and who am i to disagree with that. heehee.
upon arriving at the club i realized two very interesting things. 1) this was apparently a lock & key party. and until this time i didn't really think this happened in real life, not too mention i was there on a date... can you say "awkward"? 2) i was the only white person in the bar. now i don't have a problem with this, not that it has ever happened to me before - the northern midwest isn't really the most diverse place, let alone filled with many "clubs." lol. it was just new for me. the driver was actually pretty impressed with how little it phased me, i think it bothered him more that every time he walked away from me there was a fella standing next to me trying to fit his key in my lock or commenting on how fine my ass is, especially for a white girl. lol. it got to the point where he just said to me "for all intensive purposes, tonight you are my girlfriend." so we spend the rest of the evening dancing and laughing.
until we got back to the hotel.
which leads me to my exciting news (oh yeah, we slept in sunday morning, ate dim sum in chinatown for lunch, and spent the afternoon talking and laughing... then i headed home where i decided to have a bit too much fun for a sunday night... i'll get to that later...).
i was offered a job back in the midwest! a good job. a great opportunity. in a great place.
approximately 2,400 miles from here.
and i couldn't be more excited and nervous and sad at the same time if i tried.
excited because i'll be moving back to the midwest... where i really feel like i fit, into a job with a lot of promise and opportunity. but i'll be leaving my job here... and yes, i won't have to deal with the ridiculousness, the politics, the never-ending hours, the madness. but i will also be leaving my students, my hard work, my new leaders, and i know that they still have work to do. and i know they can do it... i just hope that they keep up the hard work and the amazing progress even after i leave. i know all of their success isn't just because of me, but i just know that they are capable of great things, and i need to know there will be someone there to push them...
oh so bittersweet.
and i just met the driver. and not only to i adore him, but i have so much fun with him, i like to make him laugh, because we have these little things between us that mean so much... oh and he's gorgeous.
after getting back to the hotel saturday night... he made a comment to me while we were drunkenly discussing our "situation" (not the best time to discuss these kinds of things, i know) that really pulled my heart strings... "i want to hate you. i want to be angry with you. ... but i can't."
and he has a right to feel that way... but he's so understanding. he knows that this is a great opportunity that i can't pass up... but that leaves so little time for us. and he told me how much he enjoyed that he could be himself with me, that he likes that i accept and adore him for who he is.
so do we spend the next month enjoying each other's company? or do we stop now before we get in deeper and then i have to leave?
damn.
i'm supposed to be elated right now and all i can dwell on is leaving my students and not being able to see the driver anymore. oh, new adventures and the struggles involved...
so what do i do? i spend sunday night trying to forget my problems and get wasted with Charles Ingalls and the crew. lots of fun, no sleep, and i sure didn't think about anything of substance. oh the pun's i didn't intend... hahahaha!!!
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