for those of you wondering what a RED DOT is, let me explain:
this summer i was lucky enough to attend a week long institute for professionals in my field. when you arrive they place you into groups (RED, YELLOW, ORANGE, BLUE, GREEN, etc...). i was lucky enough to be a RED DOT. over the course of the week we learned more than i could have ever imagined, we bonded, had the most amazing RED DOT fellow as our fearless leader, woke up ealry and stayed up late, found comfort in knowing we weren't the only young professionals in our field experiencing the issues we were faced with on a daily basis, we had unbelievable amounts of fun, and left knowing that we not only had an amazing group of RED DOTS to utilize for help, but all of the other dots as well. it was undoubtedly the most beneficial professional experience of my life. and at this most recent conference in Denver, i was lucky enough to be reunited with most of the RED DOTS that i have relied on for advice and counsel over the past few months. it was amazing and renewed my passion for my field!
I HEART THE RED DOTS!
Updated from my journal 7/24/08:
I'm sitting in the airport and i was just hit with the intensity and complexity of everything that just occurred at the Institute.
-knowledge gained, relationships made, walls broken down, spirits challenged...
What's next? Where do I go from here? I've made a breakthrough (thanks to my Red Dots!)
"I can't fix every problem. I am NOT perfect. I am only me. ... And that's OKAY."
Ever since N, B, and i drove away from The House there has been a weight on my chest, a feeling in the back of my throat that there is a dam built up in my mind with a growing crack. I'm wondering when it's going to give out completely. And I'm dreading that the final burst will come when i set down my bags in my apartment and finally face sitting down, alone.
I've made a decision. J2 and I were talking and relating our experience here at the Institute to summer camp. That moment when you say goodbye and you wholeheartedly promise to keep in touch, not just because you are young and naive, but because you honestly believe that you will. You've been in the bubble - the snow globe that has been shaken up - and you are not entirely sure if (or how) you can survive outside the bubble without those connections staying in tact.
Do they stay in tact? No. Do you know why that is? I can make excuses, I can blame life for happening, for continuing to exist around us outside the bubble with no regards as to what went on inside. But that is just what it is, an excuse.
I'm not going to make any excuses this time. I'm not going to blame not having enough time or energy. I'm just going to do it. Will I be closer to some than others? Sure, definitely. But will I keep those connections in tact? Yes. Those bridges we built will stay built.
I'm going to make sure of it.
There are hundreds of things that I have gotten out of the Institute (HUNDREDS) but if the only thing that really truly sticks is that I understand myself a little better, I understand that I can't fix every problem and that I can ask for help... (and that there are people willing, able, and EAGER to help me) then I have just been afforded the most rewarding experience of my entire life.
I've been challenged, my beliefs have been questioned, my values have been tested and my mind has been overwhelmed. I feel defeated, hopeless, and inadequate. But inspired... and there just might be that spark in there, that glimmer of hope.
And that isn't where this ends.
I am not going to let that overwhelmed feeling stop me. I will use that depth of emotion and experience and knowledge. I will grow from it. I will educate with it. I will CHANGE from it.
And I might not feel better tomorrow. In fact, I will NOT feel better tomorrow. I have a sinking feeling that I will feel worse actually. But someday... the little things will add up to a big thing. the plus column will out measure the negative. And the entire time i will know that I am being true to myself, to my values, and to everyone that comes in contact with me.
And I will have conquered something far more vast than the world. I will have conquered myself.
(Thank you to every one of my fellow Red Dots... you inspire me, and challenge me. And to all of the other great Dots and Fellows, you just changed my life...
for the better.)
hope that helped explain a little...
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