have you ever gone through each day wondering if a decision you made may have been the biggest mistake you've ever made?
i have.
i do.
to be honest with ya'll, i'm not even sure where to start.
i guess i'll take the easy (easiest?) route and try starting at the beginning... when i last left you i was headed to my last day of work in SoCal before my big move back to WI.
let me summarize the experience by saying this... it was me and my 2 cats in the car for a little less than 3 days... wow. actually, it was kind of fun. and my cats like hotels. who knew?
i arrived in WI in the middle of july or so... and when did the moving company get all of my things to WI? THE. END. OF. AUGUST. no joke.
i packed my car with enough stuff for me and my cats to survive 2 weeks. i'm talking the basics here folks, some clothes, my travel toiletries, all my cat stuff, my sleeping bag and pillow, my laptop, my camera, and some valuables i didn't want to pack. so let's just say that sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag for 5 weeks is NOT my idea of a good time. hell, i realized i am far too old for that... i was so sore! and yes, it crossed my mind to buy/borrow an air mattress but i have 2 cats with all their claws. enough said.
the kicker is that the end of august and september is one of the busiest times at work for me... especially starting a new job. so how fast do you think i got my stuff unpacked? oh yeah, there are still a few boxes that i haven't even emptied yet. i'm hoping to tackle that over the holiday break. *fingers crossed*
so that is just a little bit of why i haven't been blogging in awhile... understandable, i think so. the rest of the saga, to be continued...
today is my last day at work before i start my trek cross country to my new job. therefore i probably will not get a chance to update ya'll until i'm settled back in good ol' WI. don't worry, i'll try to update via twitter @CALIXTAJIVE and i'll catch up on all of your lovely blogs in the hotel rooms along the way...
it's a sad and happy last day... i'm sort of at a loss for words.
yes, i know i'm not supposed to apologize for myself in my blogs. or complain too much or make my posts too long, but fuck it. this is my blog and i'll do what i want.
and i'm all fucking riled up tonight. because if i'm not riled up i'm bawling my eyes out.
i have been off and on all fucking day.
i just never ever thought that i'd be upset about leaving. my only thoughts were how many happy dances i would be doing. i certainly didn't think i'd be this. fucking. upset.
damn i'm swearing like a drunken sailor this evening.
i can't even get my thoughts out right now. i can't make them make sense. i want to get them out. i need to. and i just can't seem to do it. argh. one minute i'm fine... the next i'm hysterical.
this is just so unexpected. i moved out here and i had a rough time. i didn't realize that it would be so hard for me to be so far away from my family. especially since i have such a rough relationship with my mom and sister. but it was everything that i missed... the big family get-togethers, the ability to drive home whenever i needed to, the midwest, the nice people, the seasons, everything that was familiar to me...
and my job was so rough at first. it is such a tough position and it was one hell of a rocky road... but i am a fighter. i don't give up easy. and i have a midwest work ethic dammit!
at first all i wanted to do was leave... but i just couldn't. i knew that eventually i had to move on, move up, move back... for my health, my sanity, i was being realistic.
but in the meantime... i got attached.
i have seen my students come so far. i ahve seen them grow. i have seen them fight me, push back on everything i tried to do, battle every single change. and then i watched them accept me, open up to me, and trust me. i have seen them make huge leaps and strides. i have seen them step on the path to greatness. followers have become leaders. angry, frustrated kids have become passionate, driven adults. and i am so protective of them. i want the best for them. i don't want them to take a step back. i want them to continue on this path to greatness.
i can't even describe it. i guess i feel like they are all my kids and it is my job to take care of them. and yes, i know i can't take care of them forever, but i'm just not ready to let go yet. i want to be sure that they are ready. i want to protect them from everything. i want to be there to fight for them. and i know i can't be there for them forever...
i just can't believe i'm fucking feeling this way.
i don't like it out here. i want to live in the midwest. i have a great new job.
but the thought of leaving my students is just tearing me apart. it hurts physically. i have myself so worked up.
is the next "me" going to take care of them? lead them down the right path? understand the unique system they have? work with them for 15 hours a day because they love them so so much? fight for them because they have their best interest at heart? be at all of their events just to show them how much they care about them? be patient and understanding but firm? have their office open to them all day and all night just to talk things out - good and bad? support them and believe in them?
and the worst damn part... i have no one to talk to.
no one.
all of my "close" friends here have moved on. and my friends back home just don't understand. my family never went to college let alone understand what i do... they didn't want me to move out here in the first place. and i have built my fucking walls so high that i haven't let anyone in enough to have someone to talk to. i know it's my own damn fault but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck ass.
so here i am. bitching. and crying. on a friday night. to the interwebs.
i just hope my students know how so so so proud i am of them. and i know that they can accomplish great things. i believe in them. no matter how many times i tell them... i hope they don't forget...
i expected to be elated... and i'm so nervous and scared and upset...
this isn't how it is supposed to be.
****************************
one addition to that last post:
having my two adorable kitties curl up with me sure does make me feel better. :o)
i'm going to preface my exciting news with a quick recap of my weekend... which was amazing. and unexpected.
when i was out of town last week the driver asked me if i wanted to join him at his house friday night so we could get up early and head to the beach. and because i've been looking for an opportunity to spend more time with him, not only because i adore him, but also because it seems as though every time we go out we are staying up till the wee hours, not getting any sleep, and dropping me off or picking me up at the airport. he then invited me to one of his friends birthday/graduation party at a club in downtown LA saturday night.
do you understand what that means? i spent the entire weekend with the driver.
i was super nervous. i was looking forward to spending more time with him, but a whole weekend? i was anxious about staying at his place, meeting his friends, what to wear to the club, him getting sick of me over the course of 2 1/2 days... lol. basically i worked myself up quite a bit.
but it was amazing. really.
i headed out to his place late friday night where we preceded to make a grocery run for our beach trip. we woke up early saturday morning and headed straight to the beach so as not to miss out on the good waves. i spent the morning reading vonnegut on the beach while the driver caught some waves with his friends. we spent the afternoon picnicking and soaking up the rays. then we were headed to downtown LA to check-in to our hotel, get dinner, have a few drinks and get ready for the evening.
we eventually headed out to the club. and what i finally decided on wearing worked out perfect... long, perfectly fitted black pinstripe pants (i'm talking they really emphasized my curves... and ya'll know i have some curves! we will get to that later...), my kenneth cole heels, and a sheer cap-sleeve black turtleneck. yea, i wore a lot of black, but debra messing says that red-heads look good in black and who am i to disagree with that. heehee.
upon arriving at the club i realized two very interesting things. 1) this was apparently a lock & key party. and until this time i didn't really think this happened in real life, not too mention i was there on a date... can you say "awkward"? 2) i was the only white person in the bar. now i don't have a problem with this, not that it has ever happened to me before - the northern midwest isn't really the most diverse place, let alone filled with many "clubs." lol. it was just new for me. the driver was actually pretty impressed with how little it phased me, i think it bothered him more that every time he walked away from me there was a fella standing next to me trying to fit his key in my lock or commenting on how fine my ass is, especially for a white girl. lol. it got to the point where he just said to me "for all intensive purposes, tonight you are my girlfriend." so we spend the rest of the evening dancing and laughing.
until we got back to the hotel.
which leads me to my exciting news (oh yeah, we slept in sunday morning, ate dim sum in chinatown for lunch, and spent the afternoon talking and laughing... then i headed home where i decided to have a bit too much fun for a sunday night... i'll get to that later...).
i was offered a job back in the midwest! a good job. a great opportunity. in a great place.
approximately 2,400 miles from here.
and i couldn't be more excited and nervous and sad at the same time if i tried.
excited because i'll be moving back to the midwest... where i really feel like i fit, into a job with a lot of promise and opportunity. but i'll be leaving my job here... and yes, i won't have to deal with the ridiculousness, the politics, the never-ending hours, the madness. but i will also be leaving my students, my hard work, my new leaders, and i know that they still have work to do. and i know they can do it... i just hope that they keep up the hard work and the amazing progress even after i leave. i know all of their success isn't just because of me, but i just know that they are capable of great things, and i need to know there will be someone there to push them...
oh so bittersweet.
and i just met the driver. and not only to i adore him, but i have so much fun with him, i like to make him laugh, because we have these little things between us that mean so much... oh and he's gorgeous.
after getting back to the hotel saturday night... he made a comment to me while we were drunkenly discussing our "situation" (not the best time to discuss these kinds of things, i know) that really pulled my heart strings... "i want to hate you. i want to be angry with you. ... but i can't."
and he has a right to feel that way... but he's so understanding. he knows that this is a great opportunity that i can't pass up... but that leaves so little time for us. and he told me how much he enjoyed that he could be himself with me, that he likes that i accept and adore him for who he is.
so do we spend the next month enjoying each other's company? or do we stop now before we get in deeper and then i have to leave?
damn.
i'm supposed to be elated right now and all i can dwell on is leaving my students and not being able to see the driver anymore. oh, new adventures and the struggles involved...
so what do i do? i spend sunday night trying to forget my problems and get wasted with Charles Ingalls and the crew. lots of fun, no sleep, and i sure didn't think about anything of substance. oh the pun's i didn't intend... hahahaha!!!
yes, it's true... i'm back!
so sorry for my absence... may was a whirlwind of activity, work, travel, work, interviews, work, and oh yes, work.
here are a few random tidbits to help sum up my brief intermission (but actually they don't really sum it up much at all... :o)
so you've been wondering where i've been, let me fill you in...
if you haven't been wondering, you should have been, and if you don't care, then why are you reading this? heehee... i'm sassy today.
anywhooo... after my wonderful awards banquet last week, thursday was intense day of work. lots of things to get done before i flew out friday morning. not too mention, we had a program in which we rented a theater and had a midnight showing of angels & demons for the students. it was great! i even got the chance to have my second date with the driver. :o) i had a blast. he's gorgeous, smart, funny, and sweet... it's ridiculous.
the issue was we didn't get home from the program until after 2:30am and we had to be on the road to the airport at 4:30am. ugh. the driver made sure i made it in plenty of time, but we sure didn't get any sleep. that made for a rough day friday.
i flew into baltimore and after picking up a few of my other sisters we headed to HQ to work for the weekend. we stayed at the office until almost midnight on friday and because some of us sisters don't see each other anytime except these events throughout the year, we stayed up until the wee hours chatting and catching up. we started bright and early at 8am on saturday (yes, that's 5am socal time!) headed back to the office and we didn't leave until after 11pm, where i then went back to the hotel to finish up some of my regualr work via computer and free wireless, then we all headed out to crapplebees to fill up on appetizers and mucho-sized drinks (their mango-strawberry margarita is TASTY!). so then after a night of being up way too late again, we started at am and worked straight through until the time we need to be dropped off at the airport. you might be wondering the benefits of this intense weekend??? well, i love to volunteer and they fed us really really well! heehee.
now sunday i didn't fly back to socal. i actually flew to the midwest, arrived around 10pm and was picked up and driven to my hotel (which i didn't realize that the 45 minutes trip would not only take me through #23's town but directly past his road... i text him to say hi and after he said hi back and asked what i was doing in the area he never replied... oh well, i guess being friends is out of the question). i arrived at my hotel at around 11pm and then tried desperately to get some sleep... unfortunately i was much too nervous because...
monday i had an interview! it started at 8am and went all throughout the day. i was driven back to the hotel around 7:30pm... can you say long day!!! the interview went really well and i think it would be an extremely good fit for me... i guess i'll just have to wait and see what happens. fingers crossed. that's a whole other topic... you all know i don't much like socal, but i am going to have a hard time leaving my students... ugh.
so i was up and at the airport by 5:30am (yes, 3:30am socal time!)... and when i got back to my apartment around 1pm, i changed quick and then headed back into work...
and that takes me to now. not quite sure what time it is, or isn't or is supposed to be, or what i feel like it is... and i know i need sleep because the rest of this week/weekend are going to be just as intense as the past weekend... but i'm all a jumbled mess right now!
some of my favorite highlights:
tonight was my big awards banquet.
i've been planning it for weeks and weeks. i've completely reworked the awards and the application process and the event. it stressed me out. it drove me crazy.
but it was so worth it.
to see all of the individuals and chapters being recognized for all of their hard work. to honor all of the advisors and leaders that dedicate so much of their time and effort to the fraternal movement. to be in a room full of my students talking, laughing, and sharing in each others accomplishments.
it was worth it.
my keynote went great. i spoke about fraternal relevance and not only managed to get a few oohs and ahhs but even a few laughs.
and the best part...
my students surprised me at the end of the night with an award to honor me. they showered me with love and even got me gorgeous flowers. sweet smelling star-gazers lilies to be exact.
i cried.
i am so lucky to be able to do what i do.
so at the university where i work we have fall semester, spring semester, and then may term. this whole thing was new to me upon my arrival here. i had done fall semester and spring semester (and summer sessions if you so chose) in undergrad. and fall semester, january term (j-term), and spring semester (and summer sessions if you so chose) in grad school. but never may term.
now let me expand upon may term... it is a month long session in which students generally only take one class, sometimes they are study abroad classes where students have a chance to visit wonderfully great places like buddhist monasteries and rainforests - but for only 4 weeks. the other students have the opportunity to take some make-up classes, etc. but the majority of students take calsses such as: wine tasting, beer-making, the chemistry of art (where they learn to make crayons), life, religion & the simpsons, etc. that meet for 2-3 hours 3-4 times a week... i kid you not.
sounds great, right?
well, may term is also fondly referred to as "play term" and frequently described as "a keg a day in may" or "every day in may" (yes, that is referring to drinking). so basically it is a nightmare for administration... particularly my department. it's tough to program for students when their hardest decisions during may tend to be whether to go to the pool, get a drink, lay out on the quad, or get a drink, go to a party, or get a drink...
anyway, to make a long story less long... a couple of the organizations that i advise, along with my department, sponsored the DIVE-IN MOVIE POOL PARTY EXTRAVAGANZA last night and it was a HUGE success. we had a giant BBQ, tons of pool games (belly-flop contests, t-shirt relays, water balloon tosses, etc.), great prizes and we showed JAWS!!! at the pool!!!
so what was i doing at work until 11pm after i finished my regular business for the day? i was flipping burgers and judging belly-flops...
now that is what i call "play term"!
yes, it is 12:35 am and i am just getting home from work. yes i went to work at 9 am.
ugh.
i just had a few thoughts i need to get out there:
now get this, my university often plans trips for students to get out and about, camping trips, trips to the beach, trips to museums, trips to shows and plays, etc. the latest trip - a trip to six flags magic mountain! so who volunteered when they needed an administrator to drive one of the vans??? oooh, ooh, me, pick me, ME!
needless to say, yesterday i spent 7 1/2 hours at six flags and managed to not only ride every rollercoaster in the park but i totaled 27 rollercoaster rides!
27!!!!!!
i had the time of my life - even though i was covered in spf 45, walked what felt like 92.3 miles, drank gallons of water until i sloshed when i moved, and sweat like a man - a very sweaty man.
the park was dead so we had free reign of almost all the rides... i rode goliath 5 times in a row! and when i say that i mean, i didn't even get out of my seat 5 TIMES IN A ROW! it was epic. seriously. and my kids were so cute... on the way there they were excitedly planning their attack, judging which rides were the best and asking me when we'd get there. on the way home i stopped to get them some food at in-n-out and 15 minutes later i looked back and they were ALL asleep. it was a great day! (i still think that X2 is my fave though!!! you can't really beat a ride that plays such a great soundtrack and has flames shoot out at you!!! tatsun comes in second because it is so rad and scares the crap outta me!!!)
with that, you can all guess that i am not only even more of a freckled mess, but absolutely exhausted. lol. so you will have to wait for tomorrow for part 3 of the mr. west saga...
sorry!
i don't know what's wrong with me but you could say anything to me today and here is exactly what my reaction would be:
burst into tears.
yes, that's super. and maybe i have a little idea of what it's about but... girl, get a hold of yourself! it's not even 5 pm and i've burst into tears 5 separate times today.
that's. just. great.
so besides the fact that i've actually started to try out the online dating scene, the ranger is now "in a relationship", and my job makes me feel terrible about myself... L is too busy with her boyfriend to make time for me and The Dr. doesn't need another complication (in the form of me) in his life, which basically equates to my two closest friends here in SoCal aren't really in my life. so i work, work some more, work, and then work. and that is the entirety of my existence these days.
its fun.
wow, i'm just a barrel of depressing sarcasm today.
i've also had this overwhelming feeling that i'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.
yes yes, except for my cats. oh that makes me feel better.
but i'm no good at math and besides the dollar is down...
so i try not to use this blog to bitch and moan about work. but there comes a time when things just have to happen... or i'll explode. seriously. so if you are unenthusiastic about reading through the perils and frustrations of my exasperating job, please hit the eject button now.
ok.
for those of you all still here, let's get some framework in place: as you may know, i work in higher education. i love what i do. i love working with students (most of them anyway). no, this isn't what i set out to do, this just sort of happened... one day i realized that i love this and i'm pretty good at it.
what i don't love... the institution in which i am currently employed is a small/private. i have a background in medium/state. i had no idea of the political differences, nor the administrative absurdities that go on at an institution like mine. well, maybe it is only this one.
the inconsistencies, the playing favorites, the disregard for policy, the list goes on and on... i struggle everyday fighting for what is best for my students when i should be spending my time aiding my students in their development. it's unnerving. and it's eating away at me.
and it's not just that i "wear many hats" in my role here. i expected that at a school this size. it's that when you add up my responsibilities/duties you don't get 100%. you get close to %200... for ONE person to do. and it's not that i work some nights and weekends, because i expected that as well. it's that i work almost EVERY night and weekend. some weeks i count my hours and when i hit 70 by thursday i just stop counting, that's the salary life.
it's that none of these things are in my contract. it's that none of these things are ever discussed with me. it's that i am not supported in any of the decisions that i make. it's that when i do research and present best practices, the higher-ups disregard it and just do what they want... but then expect me to enforce it. it's that all the spirit that i have, all of the passion, is being beaten-down, sucked out, and trampled upon.
it's that i'm afraid if i stay here, i will burn myself out, i will feel defeated every single day and i will end up quitting this profession all together.
i stay because of the students. but when do i say enough is enough and put myself first?
alright folks... after an unplanned hiatus from my blog i have returned.
literally. i just got back from a conference in san fran. i had the pleasure of taking 12 of my students to the city by the bay for 4 days of learning, laughter, and leadership.
let's just say it was amazing... and exhausting.
i'm looking forward to having a somewhat calm week after the last few weeks of craziness. i'm actually staying in the state/city this weekend... strange.
oh and i have so many things to tell you all. be prepared. this week is going to be filled with lots of blog fun...
i hope ya'll have a great week!
oh and GO STATE!!!
working from 9am until 11:30pm with only a break for dinner makes me loathe the thought of getting up and having to repeat it all again tomorrow.
(and makes me really really really want someone to rub my shoulders... i'm just sayin'...)
now i am not the biggest fan of beer pong. don't judge me. i am a very big proponent of flip-cup, drinking jenga, and games like sevens and king's cup.
beer pong... eh, it's alright.
now due to the fact that i work in higher education, these are the types of things that i have to be concerned about:
Beer Pong spreads Herpes
Beer Pong spreads herpes, mono, flu
Beer Pong Herpes Outbreak
luckily those claims were not confirmed by the Center for Disease Control, like they said they were... phew...
'Beer pong,' oral herpes stroy discredited
BUT... that doesn't mean they don't have some validity.
oh the joys of my job are endless.
i have returned!!!
unfortunately my work has been piling up waiting impatiently for just this moment. sad panda. therefore, i have limited amounts of time today to regal you with stories of my much-needed, midwest holiday mini-break.
don't worry! i will make sure you are all fully updated as soon as i get a minute. in the meantime... i leave you with this wordle that i made from my blog: 
i like it. :o)
for these important announcements:
ok. so they are not important to you all. but they are to me.
#1. i am officially on vacation. (alright, not vacation so much as a much needed break to attempt to catch up on sleep and regain some sense of sanity... my insane february schedule and conference tour really caught up to me...)
#2. i am in the midwest. woot! and you all know how much i heart the midwest!!!
#3. i've been doing some thinking (and i imagine there will be a lot more of that over the course of the next few days...), i have a lot of thinking to do, and i need to not think so much. make sense?
#4. i will be sleeping, eating, drinking, napping, watching movies, snoozing, catching up with friends, and catching some zzzz's...
#5. i won't be regularly updating my blog... but i will have plenty of updates when i return... i know you are all just boiling over in anticipation... heehee.
can't wait to update ya'll and catch up on all of your news when i return...
xoxo,
gossip girl.
oh, wait... i mean, calixta.jive.
alright... there has been a lot of things going on in my little corner of the world lately and i have been doing a bad job of keeping you updated. i will not apologize however... (apparently you shouldn't, lol. not that i don't regularly break most of these rules...) but alas, what can i say? i've been a busy bee. ;o)
here goes... besides working way too much (as in 12-15 hour days monday-friday and some weekend days/nights, besides being on-call, or 12-15 hour days monday-thursday and traveling/conferencing friday-sunday only to hit repeat...), i have been doing really great.
let us summarize with bullets:
alright… i finally gave in…
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. my favorite color in the world is orange… but i love to wear black (debra messing said redheads look hot in black, and she is right!!!), shades of blue calm me down, and i used to wish my gray eyes were green but now i wouldn’t change them a bit.
2. i have 2 cats, buddy and willie. i’ve had buddy since undergrad and he has moved to 3 different states, driven across the country, and lived in 6 (?) different apartments with me! i would be lost without him, he is such a momma’s boy, too! he greets me at the door, gives kisses on command and always cuddles with me. willie on the other hand is quite the handful… i just got him in september and he is definitely still in kitten mode. actually, i think he may be a dog. no joke. he chews everything (and usually eats it!), begs for food, and talks a lot! but all in all, you really can’t beat laying in bed and having each one of my little sweets curled up in the crook of my elbow or in between my knees…
3. i hate talking on the phone… a lot. i love texting, IM’ing, e-mail, facebook, myspace, whatever… but no phone calls. Oh and i hate leaving messages or checking my voicemail… weird, right?
4. i’m not a girly girl (by any means) but i love makeup! it’s like getting to paint-by-numbers your face, in different colors in different ways – everyday! i guess that is the artist in me…
5. speaking of art… i have a bachelor of fine arts degree in graphic communication and a masters of science – education in college student development and administration. and i LOVE learning.. it’s fun for me! right now i am using my master’s degree in my current profession and my graphics degree on the side (and for fun)… but sometimes i wonder if that will ever reverse itself???
6. i am a member of a sorority and am so grateful for each and every wonderfully amazing, talented, brilliant sister i have in my life because of it. Not too mention all the magnificent opportunities!
7. i am completely enthralled with all things retro. i’m talking 1950’s here people. i think i was born in the wrong time! someday i want a completely retro kitchen… and the outfits to go with it!!!
8. i am slightly obsessed with music. and my iTunes. and my iTunes playlists. seriously. and i listen to everything from country to hip-hop. not too mention i have to have music playing AT ALL TIMES. what can i say? the soundtrack to my life is AHHH-mazing!
9. i don’t watch tv anymore (1. because i am never home 2. because i can’t justify paying for cable when i am never home 3. there’s not much on that i want to watch anyway 4. i’d rather watch a movie, yay netflix!) but when i did my favorite shows were, and always will be, gilmore girls and my so-called life!!! i can totally relate to angela chase, I still have a huge crush on jordan catalano… and who doesn’t want to grow up to be lorelai gilmore and have her wardrobe?!?!
10. i am a redhead. a real one. and i love it!
11. my favorite food is cheese. but some people don’t consider that a valid answer because it is not a meal (bah, i say it is!) so my alternative answers would be pizza and gnocchi! and chocolate!!! yum!
12. my favorite season is fall. i love the chilly weather, the leaves, the smell. i love the clothes, scarves, sweaters, and sweatshirts. football season! october is my favorite month, my birthday, and halloween. (other favorites include, but are not limited to: chapstick, shoulder rubs, laughing so hard i sound like an owl, dancing, checking things off my to-do list(s), swimming, staying in a hotel, candles, traveling, mountain dew, m&m’s, busting out a rap, making people happy, and smelling good…)
13. i’m not what i appear to be on first impression. there is a lot more to me and it usually surprises most people when they get to know me further.
14. i absolutely LOVE the green bay packers! i’ve been a huge fan for pretty much my entire life and i am not a fair-weather fan… i’m standing behind my team win or lose! GO PACK GO!
15. i am ridiculously scared of spiders! to an insane level. it makes me physically upset just thinking about them…
16. i have about a million favorite movies but some of my all-times are: sixteen candles (i have the hugest crush on jake ryan and who doesn’t secretly want to be molly ringwald?!?) and the goonies (because who didn’t always want to go hunting for treasures with all of your best friends?).
17. i am my own worst critic. i am very judgmental of myself. i never think that what i do is good enough. and it makes for some seriously low self-esteem and little to no self-worth on my part… not to mention i put everyone and everything in front of myself. but if you ever need anything… just ask. i’ll do whatever i can to make sure you get what you need!
18. i absolutely love to read. i think i get this from my mom. i read every night before i go to bed. stephen king is by far my favorite author. actually… i think he is a god. i have read almost every single one of his books at least 3 times (if not more) and i own almost every one of them also (some i own 2 and 3 copies of…). but i’ll read just about anything i can get my hands on. someday i want a library in my house… books and comfortable chairs and lots of lamps (no overhead lighting… eew!).
19. i have the most amazing friends… all over the country. and i’d be lost with out them. (thank you!)
20. i LOVE the midwest! i miss it so much… the weather, the people, everything! and along with that… i LOVE my family… from my parents to my sisters and brother, to all of my millions of cousins. my family is crazy and amazing and i wish i lived closer to them… they are all so wonderful and unique! it makes my heart swell with happiness just being around them all! i miss them SO much.
21. i am an extremely passionate person. when i care about something/someone, or when something/someone is important to me, i give it my all. (even little things – like the fact that i will always love the packers, i prefer chevy to ford, and i love macs and think PC’s are crap, hee hee!).
22. i am overly sensitive and defensive. i put on a tough act, but really i’m a big ol’ softy and way too emotional for my own good. this makes for some tough relationships… also, i’m an empathy. which i love. but it’s also really hard on me as well. it makes me a quality friend and very good at my profession (i think?). but it weighs heavily on my heart, shoulders, and mind…
23. i enjoy cooking and baking (just not cleaning up afterward!). and one of my favorite hobbies is decorating cakes, cupcakes, and cookies! how much fun is creating art made of deliciousness?!?
24. i love to sleep! unfortunately, i have had trouble sleeping on and off for the past few years and it has taken a toll on me. i’m talking only 3 and 4 hours of sleep a night here people! i just can’t seem to stay asleep… or shut my mind off (i think too much!). i need to not be so stressed out!!!
25. i love clutter. most people would say that i am messy, but i just love to be surround with “stuff!” it makes things cozy. pictures, books, candles, retro collectibles, lamps, ceramics, lots of things that most people would consider junk but hold a memory that i think is priceless… it makes my apartment interesting and my small office very inviting (i think!).
and that is that. just a little glimpse into the randomness that is me! now tell me about you!
i am supposed to tag 25 people… but i’ll leave it at this: if you are reading this, consider yourself tagged!
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