i'm still smiling...

there are so many millions of things that are stressing me out, frustrating me, making me angry, worrying me, etc. for example:

• i am moving to WI in 2 weeks... 2 weeks!... and i still don't have an apartment.
• because i still don't have an apartment i can't finalize the movers.
• i haven't even started packing.
• i still have a million things to do at work and my last day is july 13.
• i have to start work 2 days after i get to WI... what?!
• i have to start my life over... again.
• i have to make all new friends... again.
• i have to learn a new job and meet all new students... again.
• canceling/setting up utilities and changing addresses on EVERYTHING is no fun.
• have i mentioned that i haven't started packing???

but even after all of that... i am still smiling.

wanna know why?

i think i just unintentionally may have sort of accidentally kinda randomly unexpectedly maybe fell in love.

and i should be completely distraught about the thought of leaving him and moving halfway across the country. but i'm not.

i feel so lucky that he has been a part of my life, and that i have gotten to be a part of his, that i am just oh so grateful for him i'm smiling.

and it hasn't been like any other "relationship" i've ever had. i know i haven't regaled you all with a play-by-play of how things have been going (besides the occasional update) like i have in the past, but it's just been so different. it's hard to explain. it's hard to put in words. it's a little overwhelming and a whole lotta scary, but it is just so good.

and who knows... maybe if things are meant to be they will work out in the end.

if not... i am just so damn glad that the driver decided to let me be a part of his world these last few weeks. my heart has grown because of it...

:o)

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if today was not an endless highway...

if tonight was not a crooked trail
if tomorrow wasn't such a long time
then lonesome would mean nothing to me at all

yes, and only if my own true love was waiting
if i could hear his heart softly pounding
yes, and only if he was lying by me
would i lie in my bed once again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so as i have mentioned earlier, i have been trying out the whole online dating thing. besides the fact that any and all men in my life live in another state, which makes the whole commitment thing a bit difficult, i seem to be running short in the friend department these days. so... i put myself out there. i figured that even if i don't find my soul mate (even if i end up with mr. west) i could meet some new friends.

this has been my experience so far:

• lots of creepy messages from even creepier fellas (including married men)
• lots of really weaksauce attempts at witty/intelligent e-mails
  
• a fair share of x-rated messages from fellas i've never communicated with previously
• lots of lamesauce messages from fellas who clearly didn't ever even glance at my profile, just looked at my photos
  
• and a handful of interesting fellas

among those interesting fellas, here is a rundown of the most interesting:

• the soccer player - who i decided to have dinner with and then realized after meeting him in person that he is gay. and i'm not trying to be rude here people, this fella is gay... he just hasn't admitted it to himself yet.
• the dude - who i had a few beers with but then realized that all he does is drink beer and talk about philosophy and theory.
• the professor - he teaches religious studies and when we met for lunch he didn't wait for me to get there to be seated (i had to search the restaurant for him) and even though he asked me to lunch, i paid. yes, you read that right. check came, he just sat there. i pulled out my wallet (thinking to myself that he would, too and we would at least go dutch) and he continued to just sit there. seriously. that's class.
• texas - who lives approximately 1300 miles away but we just so happen to get along great (of course he lives in another state, why wouldn't he? lol) but he scares me a bit when he talks about visiting.

and the best:

• the driver - he's interesting, never fails to make me laugh, we have a lot in common (but not too much), his smile could make ANYONE smile, he's intelligent, random, my age (strange, right?) completely gorgeous... i mean devastatingly handsome people (makes me wonder why he's single???), and we connected by quoting on of my fave movies... heehee.
  

we finally met in person last night and it was wonderful. it may have been one of the best dates i've ever been on. no, wait. it was one of the best dates (not that i've been on many "dates", i tend to have the "let's hang out" kind of scenario more often... anyone have that issue?), hands down. i was nervous, i changed 4 times, i actually did something with my hair, and did i mention i was nervous? but it was so good... we had dinner, talked, laughed, talked, saw a movie.

and then after he dropped me off and walked me to the door he kissed me. and ladies... i felt the tingle. the spark. i felt all wiggly inside and i'm not going to lie... if he had kissed me any more my thighs would have started to itch... it was glorious.

and he text me before he had even made it home to thank me for the evening, let me know how much fun he had, and how he couldn't wait to see me again.

and i spent my 15 hour work day today with a shit-eating grin on my face... all day. :o)

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dammit facebook...

so like a lot of people out there, i have a facebook.

it comes in very handy in my profession, not too mention keeping in touch with lots of folks due to the fact that i am across the country. generally, i enjoy facebook.

until it bitchslaps me.

for example: today i log on to facebook and glance over at the "highlights" column on the right side to see this sentiment "the ranger is now in a relationship with someone that is not me." (names have been changed, slightly).

BITCHSLAP.

yes, he's moving to germany. yes, he lives on the other side of the country. yes, i shouldn't care. but couldn't he have told me?

just one more reason for me to come to terms with the fact that i have now joined a dating site. yes. it's true. i said it. just give me a minute... i think i might pass out...

...

ok. i'm better now. i think. dammit facebook.

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