i'm still smiling...

there are so many millions of things that are stressing me out, frustrating me, making me angry, worrying me, etc. for example:

• i am moving to WI in 2 weeks... 2 weeks!... and i still don't have an apartment.
• because i still don't have an apartment i can't finalize the movers.
• i haven't even started packing.
• i still have a million things to do at work and my last day is july 13.
• i have to start work 2 days after i get to WI... what?!
• i have to start my life over... again.
• i have to make all new friends... again.
• i have to learn a new job and meet all new students... again.
• canceling/setting up utilities and changing addresses on EVERYTHING is no fun.
• have i mentioned that i haven't started packing???

but even after all of that... i am still smiling.

wanna know why?

i think i just unintentionally may have sort of accidentally kinda randomly unexpectedly maybe fell in love.

and i should be completely distraught about the thought of leaving him and moving halfway across the country. but i'm not.

i feel so lucky that he has been a part of my life, and that i have gotten to be a part of his, that i am just oh so grateful for him i'm smiling.

and it hasn't been like any other "relationship" i've ever had. i know i haven't regaled you all with a play-by-play of how things have been going (besides the occasional update) like i have in the past, but it's just been so different. it's hard to explain. it's hard to put in words. it's a little overwhelming and a whole lotta scary, but it is just so good.

and who knows... maybe if things are meant to be they will work out in the end.

if not... i am just so damn glad that the driver decided to let me be a part of his world these last few weeks. my heart has grown because of it...

:o)

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you're driftin' in and out of my dreams...

let me update you on my weekend...

so as you may know, saturday was LA day! my girlfriends and i were complete tourists and despite the gloomy weather in the morning, i had an absolute blast!!! i had the best hotdog at pink's and bought some great buttons and stickers at johnny cupcakes... along with this shirt:

how cute is this?!?! ;o) (and no... that is not me. but that does remind me, i still need to show you my latest tattoo.)

oh and i bought yummy cupcakes at sprinkles, walked down rodeo drive, we shopped at the farmer's market, i got to see the USC campus, and we ate dinner at the original el cholo's!!! mmmm, green corn tamales!

after we got home saturday night i was exhausted but i just couldn't pass up the invitation the driver's invitation to come over. things have been interesting between us. i can't even believe how much he means to me. and this is coming from me... who decided not to feel too strongly about anyone too fast after my latest debacles with the male species. i just can't get over how great we get along, how happy he makes me, and how attracted to him i am. rarrr. lol.

anyway... we had talked friday night (yes... when i was so upset) and it was good. he helped me put my feelings about work and moving into perspective. and we also talked about us for a little bit. he told me that he was considering telling me that he couldn't see me anymore, that we shouldn't talk anymore... but he came to the same conclusion that freckledk helped me realize - that he'd rather spend the rest of my time here with me than spend the rest of his life wondering "what if".

so i stayed with him saturday night and we spent sunday morning being lazy before he took me to IKEA for the first time... and all i have to say about that is WOW! the rest of the afternoon was spent building cabinets and laughing that he got all of the measurements wrong. then me remeasuring everything and making a second trip to IKEA. heehee. in the end we got all the right parts and i proceeded to put together all of his kitchen cabinets. it was so much fun!!! and yes... he adores me. hopefully as much as i adore him. :o)

and even more proof of how wonderful the driver is, he told me to bring my laptop - my baby - and then went ahead and added more RAM and all kinds of other techinical amazingness (cuz that's how he rolls). now how sweet is that?!?!

oh and he bought us tickets to see transformers at the arclight in hollywood! woot! i am so so excited!!!!! the best part is that he is not even close to as pumped as i am, he bought them just because he knows how excited i am! he is damn near perfect... ;o)

so about this whole WI not being next to CA.........

and that. was. my. weekend.

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'cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life...

i'm going to preface my exciting news with a quick recap of my weekend... which was amazing. and unexpected.

when i was out of town last week the driver asked me if i wanted to join him at his house friday night so we could get up early and head to the beach. and because i've been looking for an opportunity to spend more time with him, not only because i adore him, but also because it seems as though every time we go out we are staying up till the wee hours, not getting any sleep, and dropping me off or picking me up at the airport. he then invited me to one of his friends birthday/graduation party at a club in downtown LA saturday night.

do you understand what that means? i spent the entire weekend with the driver.

i was super nervous. i was looking forward to spending more time with him, but a whole weekend? i was anxious about staying at his place, meeting his friends, what to wear to the club, him getting sick of me over the course of 2 1/2 days... lol. basically i worked myself up quite a bit.

but it was amazing. really.

i headed out to his place late friday night where we preceded to make a grocery run for our beach trip. we woke up early saturday morning and headed straight to the beach so as not to miss out on the good waves. i spent the morning reading vonnegut on the beach while the driver caught some waves with his friends. we spent the afternoon picnicking and soaking up the rays. then we were headed to downtown LA to check-in to our hotel, get dinner, have a few drinks and get ready for the evening.

we eventually headed out to the club. and what i finally decided on wearing worked out perfect... long, perfectly fitted black pinstripe pants (i'm talking they really emphasized my curves... and ya'll know i have some curves! we will get to that later...), my kenneth cole heels, and a sheer cap-sleeve black turtleneck. yea, i wore a lot of black, but debra messing says that red-heads look good in black and who am i to disagree with that. heehee.

upon arriving at the club i realized two very interesting things. 1) this was apparently a lock & key party. and until this time i didn't really think this happened in real life, not too mention i was there on a date... can you say "awkward"? 2) i was the only white person in the bar. now i don't have a problem with this, not that it has ever happened to me before - the northern midwest isn't really the most diverse place, let alone filled with many "clubs." lol. it was just new for me. the driver was actually pretty impressed with how little it phased me, i think it bothered him more that every time he walked away from me there was a fella standing next to me trying to fit his key in my lock or commenting on how fine my ass is, especially for a white girl. lol. it got to the point where he just said to me "for all intensive purposes, tonight you are my girlfriend." so we spend the rest of the evening dancing and laughing.

until we got back to the hotel.

which leads me to my exciting news (oh yeah, we slept in sunday morning, ate dim sum in chinatown for lunch, and spent the afternoon talking and laughing... then i headed home where i decided to have a bit too much fun for a sunday night... i'll get to that later...).

i was offered a job back in the midwest! a good job. a great opportunity. in a great place.

approximately 2,400 miles from here.

and i couldn't be more excited and nervous and sad at the same time if i tried.

excited because i'll be moving back to the midwest... where i really feel like i fit, into a job with a lot of promise and opportunity. but i'll be leaving my job here... and yes, i won't have to deal with the ridiculousness, the politics, the never-ending hours, the madness. but i will also be leaving my students, my hard work, my new leaders, and i know that they still have work to do. and i know they can do it... i just hope that they keep up the hard work and the amazing progress even after i leave. i know all of their success isn't just because of me, but i just know that they are capable of great things, and i need to know there will be someone there to push them...

oh so bittersweet.

and i just met the driver. and not only to i adore him, but i have so much fun with him, i like to make him laugh, because we have these little things between us that mean so much... oh and he's gorgeous.

after getting back to the hotel saturday night... he made a comment to me while we were drunkenly discussing our "situation" (not the best time to discuss these kinds of things, i know) that really pulled my heart strings... "i want to hate you. i want to be angry with you. ... but i can't."

and he has a right to feel that way... but he's so understanding. he knows that this is a great opportunity that i can't pass up... but that leaves so little time for us. and he told me how much he enjoyed that he could be himself with me, that he likes that i accept and adore him for who he is.

so do we spend the next month enjoying each other's company? or do we stop now before we get in deeper and then i have to leave?

damn.

i'm supposed to be elated right now and all i can dwell on is leaving my students and not being able to see the driver anymore. oh, new adventures and the struggles involved...

so what do i do? i spend sunday night trying to forget my problems and get wasted with Charles Ingalls and the crew. lots of fun, no sleep, and i sure didn't think about anything of substance. oh the pun's i didn't intend... hahahaha!!!

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guess who's b-back, back...

yes, it's true... i'm back!

so sorry for my absence... may was a whirlwind of activity, work, travel, work, interviews, work, and oh yes, work.

here are a few random tidbits to help sum up my brief intermission (but actually they don't really sum it up much at all... :o)

• the semester is over! woot! i will now be working somewhat normal hours... i'm talking maybe even closer to 40 hours a week people!!!
• i'm going to miss some of my graduates... others, not so much, heehee.
  
• senior dinner was amazing but i'm glad it's over. being in charge of an 1,100 person dinner is stressful!
• the outerbanks, NC are amazing!
  
• ACE and eddie's wedding was glorious and the mini RED DOT reunion was nice, too. :o)
  
• my few days at the beach were blissful (for the most part...) and i met some wonderful people, worked on my freckles (in leiu of a tan... i AM a redhead), met some yummy fishermen, drank a couple or 12 spirited beverages, and read 4 novels... 4, now that's my kind of vacay!
• above is the view from our three-story beach house equppied with 7 bathrooms, a pool, a hot tub, innumerable beds, and a short walk to the ocean!!!
  
• had another interview (that involved flying half way across the country and then getting stuck in the airport for about 24 hours)
• i adore the driver... seriously. and actually, i'll be spending the weekend with him, too. the beach, a night out, and an entire weekend of his gorgeousness... fun! (so maybe this whole online dating thing isn't so terrible???)
  
• i spoke to my sister for the first time since thanksgiving yesterday... strange.
  
• i missed you all... and my google reader is right around 500 unread items... so sorry if i haven't commented, i will be getting through them now that i will have a bit of down time.
• expect big news coming from my corner of the interweb this monday!
• oh and why did i drink so much last night? heehee...
  

oh and did i mention i missed you?!?!!!

xoxo,
calixta.jive.

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mixed up time zones...

so you've been wondering where i've been, let me fill you in...

if you haven't been wondering, you should have been, and if you don't care, then why are you reading this? heehee... i'm sassy today.

anywhooo... after my wonderful awards banquet last week, thursday was intense day of work. lots of things to get done before i flew out friday morning. not too mention, we had a program in which we rented a theater and had a midnight showing of angels & demons for the students. it was great! i even got the chance to have my second date with the driver. :o) i had a blast. he's gorgeous, smart, funny, and sweet... it's ridiculous.

the issue was we didn't get home from the program until after 2:30am and we had to be on the road to the airport at 4:30am. ugh. the driver made sure i made it in plenty of time, but we sure didn't get any sleep. that made for a rough day friday.

i flew into baltimore and after picking up a few of my other sisters we headed to HQ to work for the weekend. we stayed at the office until almost midnight on friday and because some of us sisters don't see each other anytime except these events throughout the year, we stayed up until the wee hours chatting and catching up. we started bright and early at 8am on saturday (yes, that's 5am socal time!) headed back to the office and we didn't leave until after 11pm, where i then went back to the hotel to finish up some of my regualr work via computer and free wireless, then we all headed out to crapplebees to fill up on appetizers and mucho-sized drinks (their mango-strawberry margarita is TASTY!). so then after a night of being up way too late again, we started at am and worked straight through until the time we need to be dropped off at the airport. you might be wondering the benefits of this intense weekend??? well, i love to volunteer and they fed us really really well! heehee.

now sunday i didn't fly back to socal. i actually flew to the midwest, arrived around 10pm and was picked up and driven to my hotel (which i didn't realize that the 45 minutes trip would not only take me through #23's town but directly past his road... i text him to say hi and after he said hi back and asked what i was doing in the area he never replied... oh well, i guess being friends is out of the question). i arrived at my hotel at around 11pm and then tried desperately to get some sleep... unfortunately i was much too nervous because...

monday i had an interview! it started at 8am and went all throughout the day. i was driven back to the hotel around 7:30pm... can you say long day!!! the interview went really well and i think it would be an extremely good fit for me... i guess i'll just have to wait and see what happens. fingers crossed. that's a whole other topic... you all know i don't much like socal, but i am going to have a hard time leaving my students... ugh.

so i was up and at the airport by 5:30am (yes, 3:30am socal time!)... and when i got back to my apartment around 1pm, i changed quick and then headed back into work...

and that takes me to now. not quite sure what time it is, or isn't or is supposed to be, or what i feel like it is... and i know i need sleep because the rest of this week/weekend are going to be just as intense as the past weekend... but i'm all a jumbled mess right now!

some of my favorite highlights:

• getting to spend time with the driver.
• seeing my sisters and laughing, a lot!
• interviewing for a great job back in the midwest.
• running into people in the elevator.
• wearing a big bow.
  
• being in the midwest.
• good text messages.
• making the driver "feel weird", lol.
• wishing i had a lion.
  
• realizing i have a lot to offer professionally.
• eating way too much!
• heading back to work and realizing how much people missed me...
  

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if today was not an endless highway...

if tonight was not a crooked trail
if tomorrow wasn't such a long time
then lonesome would mean nothing to me at all

yes, and only if my own true love was waiting
if i could hear his heart softly pounding
yes, and only if he was lying by me
would i lie in my bed once again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so as i have mentioned earlier, i have been trying out the whole online dating thing. besides the fact that any and all men in my life live in another state, which makes the whole commitment thing a bit difficult, i seem to be running short in the friend department these days. so... i put myself out there. i figured that even if i don't find my soul mate (even if i end up with mr. west) i could meet some new friends.

this has been my experience so far:

• lots of creepy messages from even creepier fellas (including married men)
• lots of really weaksauce attempts at witty/intelligent e-mails
  
• a fair share of x-rated messages from fellas i've never communicated with previously
• lots of lamesauce messages from fellas who clearly didn't ever even glance at my profile, just looked at my photos
  
• and a handful of interesting fellas

among those interesting fellas, here is a rundown of the most interesting:

• the soccer player - who i decided to have dinner with and then realized after meeting him in person that he is gay. and i'm not trying to be rude here people, this fella is gay... he just hasn't admitted it to himself yet.
• the dude - who i had a few beers with but then realized that all he does is drink beer and talk about philosophy and theory.
• the professor - he teaches religious studies and when we met for lunch he didn't wait for me to get there to be seated (i had to search the restaurant for him) and even though he asked me to lunch, i paid. yes, you read that right. check came, he just sat there. i pulled out my wallet (thinking to myself that he would, too and we would at least go dutch) and he continued to just sit there. seriously. that's class.
• texas - who lives approximately 1300 miles away but we just so happen to get along great (of course he lives in another state, why wouldn't he? lol) but he scares me a bit when he talks about visiting.

and the best:

• the driver - he's interesting, never fails to make me laugh, we have a lot in common (but not too much), his smile could make ANYONE smile, he's intelligent, random, my age (strange, right?) completely gorgeous... i mean devastatingly handsome people (makes me wonder why he's single???), and we connected by quoting on of my fave movies... heehee.
  

we finally met in person last night and it was wonderful. it may have been one of the best dates i've ever been on. no, wait. it was one of the best dates (not that i've been on many "dates", i tend to have the "let's hang out" kind of scenario more often... anyone have that issue?), hands down. i was nervous, i changed 4 times, i actually did something with my hair, and did i mention i was nervous? but it was so good... we had dinner, talked, laughed, talked, saw a movie.

and then after he dropped me off and walked me to the door he kissed me. and ladies... i felt the tingle. the spark. i felt all wiggly inside and i'm not going to lie... if he had kissed me any more my thighs would have started to itch... it was glorious.

and he text me before he had even made it home to thank me for the evening, let me know how much fun he had, and how he couldn't wait to see me again.

and i spent my 15 hour work day today with a shit-eating grin on my face... all day. :o)

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